


Temperance

by deekaypea



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Artistic Liberties, Canon Universe, Drama & Romance, Eventual Romance, F/M, Headcanon, Original Character(s), Original Fiction, Skeletons In The Closet, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-04
Updated: 2019-04-12
Packaged: 2020-01-04 18:22:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 16,881
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18349163
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deekaypea/pseuds/deekaypea
Summary: *I wanted to create a new Inquisitor with a new backstory.*Meet Adrienne Morneau; deadly grace. Part-elf, she spent much of her younger years becoming a human weapon until she left that life behind, returning to her mother's clan, clan Lavellan. Sent to be a representative and observer to the Conclave, she did not realise how drastically her life would change when she reluctantly accepted the job.Now she has to prove to the Inquisition as well as herself that she is someone worth following.





	1. Adrienne Awake

She stirred, eyes opening slowly to take in the dimness of the cell.  


She was surprised she had been asleep--or unconscious--as long as she clearly had been. The pain in her body should have awoken her. She assessed the hurts: the throbbing head, the aching knees and back from being crouched on the stone floor, her hand burning--  


Burning?  


She glanced down to the left, to where her hands were shackled, resting upon her knees. The restraints were chased from her mind when she saw what was causing the pain in her left palm. The… _wound_ was unsettling as well as painful; a hole in her hand through which she could see nothing. And yet it was clearly a hole. It was as if her hand had been pierced cleanly through by a blade, yet there was no blood, no gore at the site. Only a charred blackness around the edges, and a green glow from within. As if she had sliced open her palm and was oozing light.  


Her heart juddered at the sight.  


It took a lot to shake Adrienne, but here she was, stunned into a frozen state at the sight of her own unfamiliar hand. Blemished, with no idea how it had happened.  


Why could she not remember?  


As she tried to will herself to recall what had left her unconcious, had left her body marked, and resulted in her capture and subsequent imprisonment in Maker knew where, the door across from her swung inward and four figures poured in. Two women and two faceless soldiers. Adrienne remained still, watching them.  


The darker of the two women, face pulled into a scowl, hair shorn short to expose a square jaw, strode forward upon seeing the prisoner was awake.  


“Tell me why we shouldn’t kill you right now. The Conclave is destroyed. Everyone who attended is dead. Except you.”  


The Conclave was destroyed? Adrienne blinked slowly, face impassive, giving nothing away. She remembered the Conclave, remembered arriving at the Temple. It was destroyed? How could that be?  


Her silence was clearly not what the other woman wanted.  


“What. Happened?” Her words came out like daggers; sharp, biting.  


The prisoner kept her silence. She did not want to give up her lack of understanding of what was going on. The way this woman was carrying on, fury driving her words, Adrienne did not doubt she would receive the information she needed in due time. They were keeping her alive for some reason. She would find out.  


“Explain this.” The woman grabbed Adrienne’s left hand, chains rattling as she violently lifted the hand with the mark to Adrienne’s face height. The green cast an unearthly glow on the prisoner’s pale skin.  


“I can’t.” The words did not quite explode from her mouth but there was a sense of controlled fury beneath them.  


“What do you mean?” The dark haired woman dropped the hand in disgust.  


“I do not know what that is, or how it got there.” Forsaking her stony silence, Adrienne glared up at the warrior before her.  


“You’re lying!”  


She was restrained from striking the unflinching prisoner by the woman at her side, face hidden beneath a hood.  


“Cassandra, we need her.”  


Cassandra dropped her arm, eyes narrowed to furious slits.  


“Whatever you _think_ I did, I am innocent.” The restrained woman’s voice was full of her own cold fury. “Let me go.’  


“Do you remember what happened?” The hooded woman spoke.  


Adrienne took a couple deep breaths, eyes flicking between Cassandra and the other woman. Her gaze was wary; how honest should she be? She did not want to show a lack of understanding. She did not like being in the dark.  


“I remember running. Being chased by...creatures. And a woman, reaching out to me.” This made the hooded woman hesitate but before she could speak, Cassandra interjected.  


“Leliana, go to the forward camp. I’ll bring the prisoner to the rift.” Cassandra’s eyes went from Leliana to the prisoner. “It is better if she sees what she has done.”  


_Leliana and Cassandra…_ Adrienne stored the names in her mind, building knowledge on top of a rocky foundation of missing parts of her memory.  


Leliana nodded and disappeared the way she had entered. Cassandra pulled the prisoner to her feet, none too gently, undoing her manacles and replacing them with a rope. Adrienne fumed beneath an icy exterior.  


“Who are you?” Cassandra demanded.  


“Adrienne Morneau.” She responded. Cassandra’s eyes narrowed.  


“Morneau. You are a templar? A mage? A warden?”  


“I was a representative of the elves.”  


“The elves!” Cassandra’s eyebrows lifted. “But you--”  


“Are not a knife-ear?” Adrienne’s mouth twisted into a sneer. “I am half-elf. From Clan Lavellan.” Tired of answering questions while she still had so many unanswered in her own mind, she interjected. “What happened?”  


Cassandra met her eyes steadily, gauging her. Anger still simmered below the surface but it appeared that she was sated with the claims of ignorance she had received. For now.  


“As I said to Leliana, it is better I show you.”  


Adrienne was glad to be on her feet again as they made their way from the cell. Still, she stumbled, her feet having fallen asleep from the uncomfortable position she had been in. She was followed out by a couple of soldiers, eyeing her with hostility as she emerged from the keep into the sunlight. She shook her hair from her eyes as she reached the outside, the wind lifting her ebony tresses across her face, hiding her eerily blue eyes. Eyes that took in the massive hole in the sky with calm stoicism. Beneath, she was trying to make sense of it all.  


“We call it the Breach. It is a massive rift into the world of demons that grows larger every hour. There are other such rifts being reported, but this is by far the largest. All of this happened after the explosion at the temple.”  


Adrienne remained silent. Cassandra scowled.  


The Breach flared and the green mark on Adrienne’s hand responded, sending searing pain through her body, driving her to her knees with a barely suppressed cry.  


“Each time the Breach expands, your mark spreads. And it is _killing_ you. That...mark may be the key to stopping this. We haven’t much time.”  
Adrienne swallowed against the pain that threatened to overwhelm her. She grit her teeth against the agony and the cry that threatened to erupt from her throat. She looked from her mark to the Breach.  


“I don’t really have much of a choice, do I? Help...or die.”  


Cassandra’s mouth twisted.  


“Those are your options, yes.”  


Adrienne nodded, a quick jerk of the head to acknowledge she understood. Cassandra helped her to her feet. They put the keep behind them, striding in the direction of the Breach. Adrienne was not ignorant of the glowers and glares that followed them as they passed through the village. Cassandra noted this as the woman’s posture changed, head lifting defiantly, shoulders going back. She was not cowed by the hostility.  


“They have decided your guilt. They need it. They mourn the loss of our most Holy, Divine Justinia--”  


“I know who she is.” Adrienne said sharply. Cassandra pursed her lips. Then she continued.  


“Everyone who was at the Conclave is dead. All the leaders. All but you.” There was a note of intrigue in her voice, but also the anger from before. She was not appreciative of how stoic this woman before her was. Who _was_ she that she did not mourn, she did not cower beneath the Breach? She had to be responsible, it was the only explanation for her behaviour. Her controlled coolness.  


They reached the gate and soldiers allowed them exit to the outside. As the gate shut behind them, Cassandra pulled a dagger from her belt and sliced into the binding around Adrienne’s wrists as she spoke.  


“There will be a trial. I can promise no more.”  


Adrienne rolled her wrists and shoulders, happy to be free of the bindings. She still felt sore.  


“Come. It’s not that far from here.”  


“Where are you taking me?”  


“Your mark must be tested on something smaller than the Breach first.”  


Adrienne followed cautiously. She felt naked out in the snow with no weapons to speak of. Cassandra had a sword and shield but did not look like she was planning on giving the dagger to the prisoner. Adrienne pursed her lips. She hoped nothing attacked them en route to...wherever. She was not about to flee but she did not like the looks of the Breach...and Cassandra had mentioned _other_ rifts?  


They passed over the paths to another set of gates, and Cassandra shouted at the soldiers.  


“Open the gate! We are headed into the valley.”  


By her command, the gates swung open and they delved deeper into the valley, closer to the glowing green hole. They had to go up a hill first, the path trampled of snow. Adrienne looked up to the Breach again, trying to figure out what her part was in all this, when the hole flared yet again, sending a spasm of pain through Adrienne as she collapsed to her already bruised knees. Staggered, breathing heavily, she clutched her wrist, looking up to the sky with anger in her eyes. She hated that this…. _thing_ was making her helpless, that she had no attack nor defense against it.  


“The pulses are coming faster now. The larger the Breach grows, the more rifts appear, the more demons we face.”  


Adrienne picked herself up, shaking off the pain. She could handle it. She had to.  


“How did I survive the blast?” she asked, unsure if her captor and guard would answer her, considering how she had met similar questioning with stony silence.  


“They said you… stepped out of a rift, then fell unconscious.” Cassandra shook her head in disbelief. “They say a woman was in the rift behind you. No one knows who she was. Everything farther in the valley was laid waste, including the Temple of Sacred Ashes. I suppose you’ll see soon enough.” She continued on and Adrienne followed to the next gate, the next stone bridge.  


They were crossing when a huge stone, spewed by the Breach, crashed into the bridge, sending bodies and stones into the valley below. Cassandra and Adrienne fell to the frozen lake below. Many cries were cut short as the soldiers on the bridge were crushed in the falling stone. A second meteor struck the ice a short distance away. Adrienne watched as a green spray of light, matching her mark, pooled on the frozen water and a shade began to materialize.  


“Stay behind me!” Cassandra drew her sword and shield, clearly unphased by the demon. She hurried forward to face the demon when another pool of light formed behind her. She did not see and Adrienne looked around for something, _anything_ with which to defend herself. Broken weaponry littered the ground, along with stones and body parts, blown apart by the projectile from the Breach. Adrienne dove for the daggers she saw, and spun on the shade as it began to converge on her.  


She thrust the weapons forward, a dual attack, as the shade reached for her, ducking under its outstretched arms. She twisted the blades as she pulled them out, continuing on the path her ducking momentum had taken her on; she somersaulted away, watching as the shade spilled black gore, turning back to face her. She lunged forward again, glad to be able to take her fury out on _something_ in all this madness.  


As she slew the demon, she straightened, wiping the demon’s blood from her blades on her already filthy clothes. Were they even _her_ clothes? She could not remember.  


“Drop your weapon. Now!” Cassandra leveled her sword at Adrienne. Adrienne met her with a fierce gaze. She had not noticed the other woman had defeated her own foe.  


“No. You were not able to protect me. If I’m your only hope, I need to be able to protect myself.” She retorted, her voice heavy with accusation.  


“Fine.” Cassandra hissed out a breath, sheathing her own weapon. “I suppose it is a testament that you did not try to run.”  


Adrienne did not reply. She had not considered running until she had gotten the blades. Now that Cassandra mentioned it...she dismissed the thought, at least for now. She still had questions.  


“Where are the rest of the soldiers?”  


“At the forward camp.” Cassandra turned away. “We are on our own for now.”  


As they continued, Adrienne spotted a dead soldier lying on the side of the path. She rushed over and stripped her of the mail she wore, pulling it over her head. Cassandra made a disappointed noise. Adrienne shot her a look.  


“Not like she was using it.” She said, straightening and continuing ahead of Cassandra on the path. Cassandra looked ready to reply, but thought better.  


They ran into a few more demons, some spewed from the hole, others clearly left from earlier attacks, drifting around dead bodies like flies. Adrienne and Cassandra made short work of them, slaughtering the monstrosities as they made their way closer and closer to the Breach.  


They finally arrived at the remains of a stone...something. Adrienne could not make out what it had once been. Noises reached them over a small embankment of stone.  


“We’re getting close to the rift. You can hear the fighting.”  


“Who’s fighting?” Adrienne demanded.  


“You’ll see. They’ll need help.”  


They hopped over the wall and Adrienne _did_ see.  


A couple soldiers, a crossbow-wielding dwarf and a bald elven mage were doing battle with demons emerging from a rift, a smaller version of the Breach. Adrienne and Cassandra threw themselves into the fray. They helped quickly balance the skirmish; while the demons had not been many, they were fierce. As the last one died, the elven mage, his face somber and long, grabbed Adrienne’s wrist as he spoke.  


“Quickly, before more come through.” He spoke with urgency yet his voice did not hold the panic Adrienne had expected. She did not tear her arm away as he held her hand up to the rift, and something _happened_.  


The pain in her hand seared outward, as if being drawn from her. It was a new and terrible sensation; before, she’d felt as if something was threatening to consume her. Now it was the opposite. She was not sure which she hated more.  


Still, the rift reacted to the mark and the power the mage channeled and closed. Just like that.  


“What did you do?” Adrienne demanded the elf.  


“I did nothing. The credit is yours.” He dropped her wrist. She watched him a moment longer, then turned back to Cassandra. The elf continued. “Whatever magic opened the Breach in the sky also left that mark on your hand. I theorized that the mark might be able to influence the rifts in some way, even to close them. I’m glad I was correct.”  


“So it could close the Breach itself?”  


“Possibly.” The elf replied with a shrug. “It appears the prisoner may be our salvation. Only time will tell.” This last was directed to Cassandra.  


“Oh good! And here I thought we’d be ass-deep in demons forever.” The dwarf, crossbow now folded down on his back, grinned at Adrienne. She met his gaze impassively. “Varric Tethras; rogue, storyteller and occasional unwelcome tagalong.”  


“Not the writer?” Adrienne lifted her chin slightly, curious.  


“That’s me.” Varric’s grin did not falter.  


“You’re with the Chantry?” Adrienne’s eyebrow lifted. Varric shook his head and Solas scoffed.  


“Technically, I’m a prisoner, just like you.”  


“Hm.” Adrienne nodded. “Except clearly you aren’t a suspect in _this_.” She jerked her head to the sky. Varric laughed.  


“No, that honour falls directly on you. Though all things considered, I think you’re innocent. At least of that.”  


Adrienne had no reply. She was not sure whether to be encouraged or suspicious of the dwarf.  


“I am Solas, if introductions are to be made.” The elf interjected.  


“We should go see Leliana.” Cassandra said impatiently. “Let her know that the mark was successful in closing the rift.”  


“Great idea!” Varric chimed. Cassandra shook her head.  


“Absolutely not. While your help is appreciated, Varric--”  


“You need us, Seeker.” Varric interrupted. “The valley is swarming with demons.”  


“ _Fine._ ”  


Adrienne was getting used to the exasperated tone from the other woman.  


“Well, Bianca is happy.” Varric pat his crossbow. Adrienne frowned, watching him, but did not inquire. Solas and Cassandra discussed Adrienne’s lack of magic and things that Adrienne decided to eavesdrop on while they made their way deeper into the valley. Varric walked beside her.  


“Solas made sure you didn’t die. You can tell he’s excited you lived because...oh, wait. You can’t.” Varric joked as they walked. “I swear, you could get more emotion from a corpse.”  


“Why is that a bad thing?” Adrienne replied curtly. Varric looked up to her.  


“Oh no, you’re one too?” He sighed dramatically. “Lucky me; trapped in a valley with the most emotionless monsters in Thedas. And I _don’t_ mean the demons.”  


Adrienne ignored his attempts at humour.  


Solas fell back to walk alongside them.  


“Cassandra tells me you are part elf.” He said. Adrienne could not tell what his tone was. She simply nodded. Solas seemed to expect more, but she remained silent. 

“Silence, then. As you wish.”  


They came across only a few more demons as they climbed higher towards the next bridge in the distance. The Breach flared again, and even though Adrienne had been anticipating it, she was still driven to her knees, her teeth clenched in a jaw-straining motion to hold back an oath or cry.  


“Shit. Are you alright?” Varric reached out a hand.  


“My magic cannot prevent the mark from spreading. We should make haste.” Solas encouraged.  


“Still supports my theory she’s innocent.” Varric said as Adrienne ignored his hand and staggered to her feet. “Who in their right mind would do this to themselves?”  


They fought more, walked more, and Varric did not give up trying to coax more than a few words from Adrienne. She wanted to ignore him, wanted him to leave her alone but he _was_ the only one who seemed to actually give a damn about her. And he was a prisoner, just like her. Perhaps she could warm to him…  


They were nearly at the gate when they heard more fighting, and spotted the next rift.  


“We must seal it quickly!”  


They fought fiercely, adding more muck and gore to their already filthy clothes and armour. With the last foe slain, Adrienne lifted her hand, trying to chanel the same feeling that she had felt when Solas had clutched her wrist.  


The rift closed.  


Adrienne dropped her wrist, breathing heavily from the fighting and the pain.  


With the rift gone, the soldiers opened the gate and the fighters poured in.


	2. The Breach

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **This chapter is a bit scattered and jumps through a couple days...I didn't want to draw it out too long.

The bickering reached Adrienne’s ears and she realised that Leliana, the woman from before, was arguing on her behalf against a pudgy chantry member who seemed adamant that she needed to be arrested--again--and taken to Val Royeaux. To be executed. 

As Cassandra began to retaliate against the man, Adrienne cut in. 

“By all means, arrest me. Hopefully before this mark consumes me, you will find another solution to closing the Breach.” Her words were biting. Chancellor Roderick spluttered. 

“The mark, it works?” Leliana’s voice was coloured with curiosity. 

“She closed all the rifts between here and Haven.” Solas confirmed. 

“It was some pretty magical shit.” Varric agreed. 

Adrienne crossed her arms and stared at the Chancellor. Who continued as if he had not just heard the exchange. 

“Call a retreat, Seeker. Our position here is hopeless.” 

Cassandra laid into the Chancellor, chastising him for giving up hope. Adrienne was only half listening, picking up on the key parts of the conversation, when the Breach surged and she could not contain her hiss of pain. Eyes turned to her. 

“How do _you_ think we should proceed?” Cassandra asked. Adrienne breathed out through her mouth, embarrassed to have made a noise in response to the pain she felt. She was better than that. Stronger. 

“Charge with the soldiers.” It was the most direct. Cassandra nodded. 

“On your own head be it, Seeker.” Roderick sounded resigned. And angry. 

*** 

The path up the mountain to the temple was hairy. The small party managed to make it, though some soldiers fell along the way, to meteors and debris raining from the Breach, as well as demons spawned from the rifts along the path. There seemed to be more the closer they got to the ruined temple. 

“You’re becoming quite proficient at this.” Solas said after Adrienne closed the last rift. 

“Let’s hope it works on the big one.” Varric said, voice heavy. Adrienne had decided that the small party--the Seeker, the mage and the rogue--were good enough company. She wondered what they might be like when they weren’t ‘ass-deep in demons’ as Varric had so eloquently stated. 

Footsteps approached at a run and they turned. A blonde man, shoulders hidden beneath an enormous fur mantle, approached. 

“Lady Cassandra, you managed to close the rift? Well done.” He had clearly been fighting; his sword was spattered with gore, as was part of his clothes. 

“It was not my doing, Commander Cullen, but the prisoner’s.” She gestured to Adrienne, who straightened, looking to the Commander. She wiped the back of her hand across her cheek, brushing aside some hair and leaving a streak of black gore. The piercings in her ears and just below her lip caught in the light, casting an eerie golden-green glow around her head under the shining of the Breach 

“Is it? I hope they’re right about you. We lost a lot of good people getting you here.” 

“Best get me to the Breach then, yes?” she replied coolly. The Commander nodded, frowning. 

“Indeed.” He turned to Cassandra, letting her know the path should be clear all the way to the crater, all the way to Leliana. Adrienne began to walk ahead and glanced back as the Commander leaned down to help an injured soldier hobble away. She brought her gaze back to the path ahead and forged forward, the rest of her small company in tow. 

*** 

They did indeed find the path clear of enemies, but strewn with bodies; not only those of demons, but soldiers and mutilated corpses leftover from the blast. Many were still burning. 

Leliana was glad to see them and Varric was not happy to see the red lyrium jutting from around the blast zone. Adrienne was more concerned with the echoing voices as she approached the massive hole where the temple had once stood. She took small comfort in the fact everyone else could hear them, too. 

_”Now is the hour of our victory. Bring forth the sacrifice.”_

The words struck a chord with Adrienne, reminding her, trying to help her remember what had happened. But, like smoke, the memory did not remain. The voices, however, continued. 

_”Someone, help me!_ ” 

“That is the voice of Divine Justinia!” Cassandra gasped. 

_”What is going on here_?” 

Adrienne jolted, not from pain this time, but from shock; that was _her_ voice. She _had_ been here, when this all had happened? That she had survived was a miracle; there were bones scattered everywhere. 

They came nearer the zone, dropping into the pit, and ghostly white images appeared, replaying a scene that Adrienne had clearly been a part of but could not remember. 

The images faded and Cassandra was shocked. She rounded on Adrienne. 

“You _were_ there! Who attacked the Divine? What happened?” 

Adrienne shook her head; for the first time her face did not show the calm indifference she had sported since she’d awoken. Instead, a flicker of doubt clouded her eyes. 

“I--I don’t remember.” It was as if she was admitting it to herself, more than defending her position to Cassandra. Her voice was small, and she cleared her throat, hating how meek she sounded. 

Solas suggested they open the temporarily closed rift, then seal it again, properly. But that likely meant demons. Adrienne was fine with that. She still did not feel as if she had fully satiated her violence on the route up here. She wanted more blood. Demon blood worked. 

Though she had not counted on _that_ to emerge. 

The enormous horned beast took them all by surprise. It bellowed as it emerged from the rift into their world. Archers rained down arrows upon the beast but its hide was thick and only a few bolts struck home. Cassandra threw herself at the beast, her shield up as she hacked and slashed at the beast’s legs and feet. Solas and Varric stood a distance away, keeping away from the beast’s attention. Other soldiers attacked as Cassandra did; up close. 

And Adrienne danced. 

She was liquid on her feet; here one moment, gone the next, though she never truly disappeared. She was incredibly fast, driven to kill this _thing_ and get the rift sealed before the pain searing through her body drove her mad. Or killed her. She almost hoped for the latter. Being in such proximity to the Breach was clearly making the mark worse. Adrienne was quite positive her teeth would be ground down to nothing by the time the fight was done, she was in so much pain. 

She was distracted a moment by the sheer agony from the wound on her hand and the Pride demon lashed out, sending her sprawling. But that distraction allowed the final blow to be struck and the Pride demon fell. Adrienne shot her hand into the air from her position on the ground, using the last of her strength to close the rift as unconsciousness took her. 

*** 

_This is an improvement from the last time…_ Adrienne thought to herself as she awoke in a bed. At least she was not shackled this time. She sat up, looking around the cabin as a small elf woman entered the room. She looked up, let out a small shriek, and dropped to the floor. Adrienne stood shakily. 

“Where am I?” she asked. The elf lifted her head. 

“You’re in Haven, my lady. They say you saved us! The Breach has stopped growing, just like the mark on your hand. It’s been all anyone can talk about for three days!” 

Three days? Maker’s breath… She shook her head, clearing away the last of the sleepiness. The elf stood and Adrienne was about to speak when she was interrupted. 

“Lady Cassandra wanted to hear the moment you awakened! The _moment_!!” The elf tore off and Adrienne watched her leave with a sigh. 

“So much for more answers.” She growled to the empty room. 

She looked down at herself; she was out of the filthy clothes she’d been wearing when she’d last awoken in Haven. She did not bother to care who had dressed and undressed her. She was more concerned about finding out what had happened in those three days. What was going to happen next? 

She left the cabin and made her way outside where people were gathered, clearly awaiting her. They saluted, some bowed, others whispered prayers of thanks to the Maker and Andraste. Adrienne was not ready to call any of this divine intervention. She pushed past them all, making her way to the enormous keep she could see in the distance. Though she did make a pit-stop on her way; Varric was lurking around a fire just past the stairs to the upper yard. 

“Awake again.” He said as she approached. The whispers followed Adrienne as she stopped by the dwarf, murmurs about Andraste’s Herald, about being blessed. 

Adrienne ignored them still. 

“It would appear I’m not yet dead, no.” Adrienne replied dryly. Varric smirked. 

“Nope. And no one else is going to be dying anytime soon either.” He sounded impressed. Adrienne pointed to the great stone cathedral ahead. 

“I take it all the important people are there?” 

“Of course! Why else would I be all the way over here?” 

Not deigning to reply, Adrienne set off again. The whispers about Andraste and the Maker continued to plague her. She was becoming irate. These people clearly had no idea what they were talking about. 

She reached the cathedral, strode through the main chamber to a wooden door. Raised voices were coming from inside. Increasingly familiar raised voices. 

Adrienne pushed open the door. Immediately, eyes were on her and Roderick commanded her to be chained. Adrienne stiffened, ready to fight before she was restrained again, but Cassandra belayed the order and instead commanded the soldiers to leave. Roderick was seething as the soldiers ignored him, instead obeying the Seeker’s commands. 

“You expect me to believe you will support the prisoner? The only one to survive the Conclave explosion? You believe she’s, what, the Chosen one? Sent by the Maker, as is the rumour?” He shook his head. 

“I do.” 

“What?” Adrienne was the one to interrupt this time. “When I first woke, you wanted me dead. Now you think I’m some sort of blessed...saviour?” 

“I do not know _what_ you are, but you are here and you are the key to the Breach. I’m not about to ignore that.” 

“So what does that mean?” Adrienne demanded. 

“It means we declare the Inquisition reborn.” 

“What?” Roderick spluttered. “On whose authority?” 

Cassandra did not answer, instead slamming a huge book on the table and then turning on the Chancellor. 

“We will close the Breach, we will find those responsible and we will do it with or without your approval, Chancellor.” Roderick turned and left, clearly furious. Adrienne had to admit she was glad to see him go, though she did not suspect he was about to give up his fight. She crossed her arms, turning her attention back to the table where the book was settled. 

“We will rebuild the Inquisition of old. It will be hard; we have no people, and now no Chantry support.” Leliana stated. 

“What does this mean for me?” Adrienne asked. Leliana and Cassandra locked eyes over the table, then looked to her. 

“It means we still need you.” Cassandra said, warily. 

Adrienne weighed her choices. She was no longer in any immediate danger--the Breach was no longer expanding, which meant the _thing_ on her hand was no longer threatening to consume her. But the hole in the sky was still _there_ and it was possible she was the only one with they key. 

Cassandra and Leliana watched her as she stared at the book, eyes flicking as her thoughts passed through her head. They were both a little dismayed; the Herald should be jumping at the chance to help the people. Instead, she seemed almost hesitant. This was supposed to be Andraste’s chosen? 

Adrienne finally realized that if she returned to her clan, having failed at both witnessing the Conclave _and_ fixing the giant hole in the sky, they would simply send her back. 

She lifted her head, so quick that Cassandra and Leliana missed it. 

“I will help. For now.” 

*** 

Adrienne could not say which was more grating; the meetings with the War Council or the constant cries and murmurs of “Herald!” as she passed. 

There was nothing _wrong_ really, with the War Council; they were all pleasant enough people, if somewhat divided, most of the time. The issue was they were all so...emotional. Adrienne considered herself above such things; she did not attach emotion to decisions. In fact, she tried not to attach emotion to much; to people, to events, to things...she’d learned the hard way it was not worth it. 

After a few days of being surrounded by so many people talking about so many things, she decided she needed to get out of the village. She wanted to clear her head, get away from, well, everything. 

She was aware she’d been followed outside, past the gates. She had to give it to Leliana; the tail was good. But Adrienne was better, and she spotted the tail almost immediately upon leaving the outskirts of the training camp, where Commander Cullen could be seen, overseeing the recruits and shouting at them helpful tips. The tail had probably been Cassandra’s idea; Adrienne was quite certain the Seeker did not yet fully trust she’d stay. Which only led Adrienne, for her part, to respect the woman more. 

In her exploring, she’d discovered much around Haven that could be of use. She made note of a quarry and had also found some important looking documents in an abandoned cabin. She’d also found some gold in a lockbox, but no one but her needed to know about that detail. 

While she was exploring, Cassandra and Leliana were deep in discussion. 

“I wonder if she has always been like this.” Leliana mused. “Or if it is simply a defense mechanism.” 

“I’d wager it is a bit of both.” Josephine chimed in, as she entered the room. Then paused. “I...assume you are speaking of our Lady Herald?” 

“Who else?” Cassandra leaned against the table. “She is hard to read.” Cassandra had to agree with Leliana. “I take it you already know everything else of possible note about this woman?” 

Leliana shook her head. “Not yet. I have birds and scouts in the air right now but I’ve been busy recruiting, making contacts, gathering information related to the Inquisition. I have not yet delved into the Herald’s past.” 

“Perhaps you should.” Josephine suggested. 

“Why don’t you just _talk_ to her?” Cullen asked, having overheard the conversation as he entered the room. The women turned to him. “I’m simply suggesting that perhaps learning about the Herald from her own mouth might go over better than sneaking around behind her back.” 

“You have clearly not tried to speak to her, Cullen.” Cassandra replied with a sigh. “She guards herself, keeps quiet, offers nothing. She has said nothing of who she is, save that she is half-elf and was representing Clan Lavellan at the Conclave.” 

“That’s a start.” Cullen persisted. “Besides, she must talk to _someone_.” 

“I’m not sure she does. At least not yet.” Leliana shook her head. “I’ve been watching her. She’s not rude, not really, but she is isolated, as Cassandra says. She has spoken to Varric a couple times, and even Solas. But never about personal matters.” 

“Solas I understand, but Varric?” Josephine shook her head. “I can’t imagine anyone not being taken in by his charm, outlandish as it is.” 

“Speak for yourself.” Cassandra grumbled, crossing her arms. 

“Keep my words in mind.” Cullen said with a shrug. “I still think actually getting to know Lady Morneau is safer and smarter than spying on her.” 

From the other side of the door, Adrienne breathed a small sigh of...relief? Happiness? She was not about to spill her soul if questioned but, as the Commander had expressed, she was more likely to share if she could actually decided what was to be shared. She still didn’t like the idea of being _known_ but she presumed she lost whatever sense of anonymity when she’d walked out of a fade rift. There was no coming back from that. 

She pushed open the door, cutting off any further conversation as the four in the room looked to her guiltily. 

“I just spoke to Threnn. There is a quarry out past the lake. I sent a few recruits to mark it properly.” She said without preamble, striding up to the table. “And the hills beyond the lake are teeming with iron. I told Harrit. And there is a great deal of elfroot. I told Adan.” She’d also given him the pages she’d found when she’d overheard him complaining about lost alchemical notes. He’d seemed pleased, so she’d left. 

“That...I’m impressed.” Josephine murmured. 

“You’ve been busy, Lady Morneau.” Cullen spoke approvingly. Perhaps it was just the conversation she’d overheard, but he seemed inclined to be kinder to her than he had been before. 

“It was necessary.” She nodded. “Now, if there is nothing else to do for now, I should like to get to sleep. It has been a long few days and, quite frankly, I want to just rest.” 

“Very well.” Cassandra agreed. “We can continue with plans tomorrow. It is not as if there are pressing issues right now.” 

Adrienne turned but she as she was leaving she threw over her shoulder; “Oh, and Leliana? If you are going to have me followed, I suggest you choose a better tail. This one was good but I’m better.” 

She left them pondering that and headed back to her cabin.


	3. Templars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adrienne chooses on which side she will stake a claim. Things go wrong.

“Another day of bickering?” Adrienne asked as she entered the War room. Josephine hid a smile at her words, while Cullen and Cassandra simply eyeballed one another, the bickering pair in question. 

“Until you decide whether you want to approach the templars or the mages,” Cullen stated, drily “then the bickering continues.” 

Adrienne sighed, then leaned on the table. 

“Well, I guess we’re as ready as we can be. Both parties have offered to meet with us…” Adrienne stared at the map, not for any answers, more so just to avoid looking at those around her who were waiting for _her_ to decide something she did not want to decide. She finally brought her hand up, the one with the mark, and stared at her blemish, that thing that she still had no explanation for its apparition. No one did. 

It had been an absolutely mad month. She felt like she’d been running all over Fereldan and half of Orlais dealing with requests for help and meetings. She’d amassed quite a small following; a Warden, some elf who was or was not called Red Jenny, a court Enchantress and a qunari mercenary. Not to mention the Chantry sister, Mother Giselle, from the Hinterlands, the horse master Denet from the same place and numerous other contacts and agents. 

“I will go to the templars.” She said, then looked up. Mixed emotions greeted her, but she ignored them. She pushed off the table. “I’ll leave in an hour.” 

Her party members all knew she was deciding today, and to be on alert to leave at a moment’s notice. She was going to take Varric and she wanted to see if the Iron Bull, the qunari mercenary captain, could follow orders as well as he could give them. She quite admired and respected the qunari, from what little they had spoken. While he still attached emotion to some things, he was also able to detach himself from the emotional and apply himself professionally. That was what Adrienne admired about the Qun; duty was always first. Everything had a place and a purpose. Order. 

“Thank you, Lady Morneau.” Cullen said, clearly pleased she’d chosen the templars. She fixed her eyes on him. 

“I did not do it for you, Commander.” She stated bluntly. The Commander opened his mouth, then frowned as if he were about to say something. Then he nodded. 

Before she could hear any further arguments on why the mages were the better choice, she turned and left the keep. 

She immediately sought out Varric, who looked up at her approach. 

“I take it you’ve decided?” He said. “Unless you just stormed out, which would be pretty impressive too.” 

Adrienne gave a wry smile; she could not help it, he had grown on her in the past month. 

“We are pursuing the templars.” 

“Oh good. As if _one_ Curly isn’t enough.” 

Adrienne made a face. “I doubt there are other… _Curlys_. I believe our Commander is one of a kind. He’s just too...noble.” 

Varric laughed at this. “It’s only worse, when you get to know him, too.” 

“Hm.” Adrienne made a noise, acknowledging his comment. She decided she might have to test that declaration for herself, once they were back from seeking the Templars. 

“I’m going to let Solas and the Iron Bull know we are leaving soon.” 

“I can’t wait for the two of them to get together.” Varric snorted. “They are _not_ compatible. You may have to deal with the fallout if shit hits the walls.” 

“Then I will deal with it.” Adrienne replied coolly, pale blue eyes not reflecting the humour that Varric demonstrated. He held up his hands in a sign of surrender. 

“I’m just saying…” 

Adrienne left him, his words in mind. She was not about to change the party, but she would see how the elf and the qunari worked together, and decide from there. If either of them could not behave, she would make them regret it. 

She spotted Solas where she’d seen him earlier, by the alchemist’s cabin. She met his somber gaze with her own. He nodded as she approached, greeting her. 

“Adrienne.” He said as she came within earshot. “I presume we are leaving soon?” 

“Correct.” Adrienne replied. “I have already spoken to Varric. I will meet you by the stables in an hour.” She paused. “I still can’t get over feeling your magic.” Adrienne glanced at her left hand, brows knitting over her eyes. She’d come to realise that the mark grew more painful around those with magic. 

Solas picked up on her apprehension. She and him had spoken quite a bit about the mark and the Fade in recent days. She appreciated his insights into the world of spirits and dreams and he seemed appreciative that she cared at all to listen. She’d obviously learned some things of magic from the Lavellan Keeper, but she had never pursued a deeper knowledge. Now that she had something on her body that directly connected her to the Fade, she felt it was probably good to know about the Fade in greater detail. 

“It still pains you, doesn’t it?” 

“Ah…” She breathed a sigh. “Yes.” She said in a clipped, dismissive voice. “It was worse when the mark was expanding and the Breach was spewing out everything. It is not as bad now.” She forced a smile. “Let’s just say I am acutely aware it is a part of me.” 

“Fascinating.” Solas stared at the mark, then up to the Breach. “You have hidden it quite well.” 

_Good._ Adrienne was glad she’d told Solas; his words were confirmation that she was not weak. 

“I’ll see you at the stables in an hour.” Adrienne said after a moment, gladdened by their encounter. Solas nodded to her and she disappeared. 

She moved quickly through Haven, avoiding areas where there were too many people. She still did not like the whispers that followed her. They were not negative but they were irksome. 

Before stopping to see Bull, she decided to get the things she needed from her cabin, strapping on armour and new daggers she’d commissioned from the blacksmith after her first foray out into the Hinterlands. They fit better in her hands than the borrowed daggers from before. Plus, with all the resources they were collecting out in the field, she felt she would do well with some upgrades. 

Then she sat on the bed and rubbed her hands over her face. 

She’d not stopped in the past few weeks, not slowed her pace. No one had. Since the declaration of the Inquisition, she’d been running around and representing the Inquisition as best she could. She felt she was doing an alright job, considering no one had killed her and more and more people flocked to Haven on the daily. She was just hoping that her momentum would keep carrying her until the Breach was sealed and she could finally disappear again, into oblivion. 

She shook her head; she was clearly overtired, allowing herself to wallow as she was. She brought herself to her feet, finished packing, and left out the front door of her cabin. She was going to miss her bed, again, as they travelled. 

She found the Iron Bull outside his tent set up just beyond the walls. She could also see Cassandra and Cullen at the training camp. Cullen was drilling recruits--did that man ever sleep? Perhaps she had misjudged him--and Cassandra was whacking the stuffing out of a training dummy. 

_Probably still mad I didn’t pick the mages._ Adrienne thought to herself with a shrug. It did not matter; by the time they got back, she would have either won the support of the templars, or she’d be dead. If the latter, she would no longer care about what the Seeker thought. 

“Herald!” Iron Bull’s voice was loud even in comparison to the constant hammering of the blacksmith nearby. 

“We are leaving in forty-five minutes.” Adrienne said. Iron Bull grinned. 

“Glad to be coming along. We doing mages or templars?” 

“Templars.” Adrienne confirmed. “I suppose this pleases you, considering you are qunari?” 

Iron Bull shook his head. “I don’t have an issue with mages, not really. I mean, the ones I know here are...well, they’re decent folk. But I won’t lie; I feel like the templars are the better bet in this case. We don’t need _more_ magic. Like fighting fire with fire.” 

Adrienne had to agree. That was part of her decision making process; the thought of hundreds of mages pouring magic through the mark...the mere idea made her hand twitch, involuntarily. 

Adrienne decided to go for a brief walk around the lake, at least partially, before coming back to the stables. The rest of her party were still not there, which was fine. She had told them an hour and it was nearing the time, but not there quite yet. The last few minutes she spent preparing her mount; brushing it, speaking gently to it. She loved horses and harts, considered them beautiful beasts. She was glad she’d managed to convince Master Denet to aid the Inquisition, after the run-around with the demonic wolves. The watchtowers had already started to be built when she’d left the Hinterlands, only a few weeks ago. Solas and Varric appeared, Iron Bull bringing up the rear. 

“All set?” Adrienne asked, and was met with voiced confirmations. “Mount up then.” 

*** 

“Lord Esmeral Abernache, Lady Herald. Ten Orlesian houses walk with you. Care to mark the moment?” 

“As long as it is quick; there is work to be done.” Adrienne said. 

The party, nobles in tow, carried on, up to the templar keep. A templar stood at the gate, ready to welcome them. Adrienne noted distractedly that he had beautiful eyes. 

“Ser Barris?” She confirmed. He nodded and she continued. “Please take us to the Lord Seeker. We would like to meet with him as soon as possible. There is no reason to delay.” 

“Of course, Lady Herald.” He bowed, and bid them follow. The entire retinue traipsed after him and Ser Barris led them to a wall where some banners stood. 

“The Lord Seeker requests that you perform a ritual. All templars are required to do it.” 

“I am not a templar.” Adrienne said, biting back the impatience in her voice. She was getting better at it, she’d discovered. “Take us to the Lord Seeker.” 

“As you wish.” Barris nodded and they were off again. The noble supporters stayed in the main hallway, and Adrienne was glad to be rid of them. Bunch of pretentious fops. She just wanted to get things over with. She had a bad feeling in her gut, but was blaming that on the lack of sleep. 

Barris led them to a room, dimly lit, and Adrienne saw who she assumed must be their contact. He was flanked by templars. 

“So this is the Herald of change? You are the reason why everything must be moved ahead.” 

Adrienne did not like the voice nor the tone; the Knight-Captain did not seem ready to treat with them. In fact, he sounded vaguely menacing. She narrowed her eyes. “Barris, what is wrong with him?” 

Her words were greeted by the sound of distant fighting, growing louder. Everyone grew tense, hands reaching to weapons, but not drawing yet. 

“Knight-Captain, I must know what’s going on!” Barris took a few steps forward. 

“The Herald has forced our hand. You were all supposed to be changed!” Denam said, voice heavy. “Now the questioning knights must be purged. No one who is not stained red will leave Therinfall! The Elder One will not allow it!” 

Adrienne drew her daggers as Barris swore an oath and drew his sword. The templars who had accompanied the Knight-Captain lunged out at those closest to them, thrusting swords through stomachs and loosing arrows. Adrienne smashed a bottle at her feet, disappearing into a cloud of smoke and vaulted over the table. She threw herself to the Knight-Captain, driving her blades into him, catching him by surprise. She trusted that the remaining living templars, the ones who had not suddenly slaughtered their brethren, had her back and could handle the other templars, aided by her party members. 

Denam struck blindly at the place she had just been as she spun away. She felt the effects of the cloaking powder wear off as she lunged again, her blades biting deep. Iron Bull was drawing the brunt of the attack behind her, keeping the attention off Solas and Varric. The other templars were fighting fiercely, making the room ring with the sound of fighting, echoing the fighting happening beyond the confines of the hall. 

Barris also threw himself into the fight. Adrienne was impressed; he’d recovered from his confusion at Denam’s words remarkably quickly, and currently showed no qualms fighting the Knight-Captain or his fellow templars, mysteriously corrupt as they were. 

The rest of the templars fell quickly to the swords of their once-brothers and Adrienne watched with satisfaction as the Knight-Captain fell as well, losing blood at an alarming rate. She crouched down beside him, wiping his own blood on scraps of cloth peeking out from his armour. 

“He’s not dead.” She announced. 

“If you use a healing elixir on him, he may survive. Not that he deserves it.” Barris suggested, albeit reluctantly. Adrienne reached for one of the bottles in question, pouring the drink down the man’s throat. 

“We shall take him back to Haven, to await trial.” She stood, sheathing her daggers. “Now, to see what the rest of the fuss is about.” 

They delved deeper into the barracks, following Barris’s helpful guidance, and came across more traitorous templars. They made quick work of them and Varric shook his head, toeing one of the bodies. 

“They’re unlike any templars I’ve ever seen.” He said. 

“We must continue.” Adrienne pressed. “I don’t like where this is going.” The bad feeling in her gut was now starting to be realised. It was not a lack of sleep; something was truly and deeply _wrong_ here. She wanted to get to the bottom of it. 

*** 

They found more fighting, the deeper and deeper they explored Therinfall keep. Adrienne was growing frustrated; she’d come here for help, not to be attacked by these...monstrosities! She continued the fight alongside her companions when finally they reached the heart of the keep. 

The Lord Seeker, as described by Cassandra, stood at the top of the stairs, his back to them. Adrienne approached, climbing the stairs. Was it promising that he was not attacking? Or ominous? 

“Lord Seeker--” 

“At last.” The words were hardly above a whisper, so quiet Adrienne hardly heard them. 

She did not have a chance to draw her daggers before the Lord Seeker turned on her, grabbing her by the collar and pulling her towards him. She found herself stumbling, blinded by a flash of green light, and lost herself.


	4. Cole

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adrienne is stuck in the Fade with the envy demon...and memories of her past. A spirit helps her escape.

Adrienne was confused; how was she back in Haven? And why was it so _wrong_? There were bodies everywhere, frozen in burnt positions, many still aflame. The choking fumes of burning flesh filled the air of the keep, making her retch. 

Ahead, through the mist that filled the hall, she saw Cullen and Josephine, motionless, watching her. She approached, feeling leery of this place. She could not be back in Haven. This had to be a dream, a nightmare. Something to do with the Lord Seeker grabbing her. 

A gasp startled her, making her spin to see where the noise had come from. Leliana--or, something pretending to be Leliana--appeared, speaking. Her voice was her own, but at the same time it was not. 

“Will this shape let me know you?” She murmured, her voice a caress, a haunting whisper. “Everything tells me something.” She circled Josephine, then stood behind her. “This…” She slit the other woman’s throat. 

Adrienne willed herself to be still, to remain stoic. She knew this was a dream, everything was telling her this was not real and yet she watched with her own eyes as Josephine, sweet and kind, intelligent Josephine who’d been nothing but welcoming to her since the beginning, slumped to the floor, her blood pouring from the gash in her neck like a wicked smile. Adrienne forced herself to look. 

“What do you want, demon? To copy me, or to tempt me? You will achieve neither.” Her voice was stronger than she’d anticipated. 

“Hm.” The Leliana-demon drew the dagger across Cullen’s throat and Adrienne somehow found this harder to watch. Perhaps it was because the real Commander would not have died so...complacently. So silently. He would have died fighting. The Leliana-demon spoke. “What do you want, demon? To copy me, or to tempt me? You will achieve neither.” 

Her own voice, but wrong, echoed back to her and she breathed through the rising panic as the Leliana-demon disappeared from view. 

“The Inquisition can become so much more!” Her voice echoed from behind her and she spun, seeking the demon, to keep it in view. “The Elder One will kill you and ascend and I will become you. So much more fun than being the Lord Seeker.” 

“Ascend?” Despite being trapped in the Fade, Adrienne felt she might be able to glean some information from within. This was not the first time this Elder One had been mentioned. “Like a god? How foolish.” She said, voice full of derision, of scorn. “Only the Maker has that power.” 

“The Elder One knows it can be done. He was there.” Leliana-demon laughed. “You must die in the right way, to serve like everyone else.” 

“Good luck with that.” She snorted, letting her scorn overtake her fear. So long as she kept it up, it felt natural, true. The Leliana-demon growled and disappeared again. Adrienne was wary, and turned to see the dead Commander pick himself off the ground, the wound as his throat still gaping. 

“I am not your toy! I am Envy, and I will know you!” His voice was angry, dangerous. 

“So far, I know more about you than you do me.” Adrienne crossed her arms. “I know you are Envy. I know you work for the Elder One. I know you are playing with me.” 

The Cullen-demon reached to one of the pillars, pulling a figure out from the shadows. Adrienne stiffened when she saw herself, but, as before, continued to breath, continued to act as if nothing here had any effect on her. The Cullen-demon pushed her shadow-self against the pillar, drawing a blade from his belt as he drew in close, intimately so, before thrusting the blade into the shadow’s belly. Adrienne’s hand instinctively went to her own stomach as her shadow-self cried out, dropping to her knees, blood--too bright--pouring from the fatal wound in her stomach. 

“Tell me what you feel!” 

Adrienne watched a third shadow figure die. She lifted her eyes from her own dead form at her feet and stared down Envy in Cullen’s form. 

“No.” 

“So be it. I will learn...I will know you. You are defiant...I am already learning…” Envy faded away as Adrienne blinked. 

And she was alone. 

She needed to get out of here, get out of this strange dreamworld. The Fade. How did she even get here in the first place? She looked around for some kind of sign and saw a door ahead, much the way that the keep at Haven was set up. She pushed herself towards it, leaving the burning corpses--her own, dead shadow-self amongst them--behind her. 

She was back in the prison cell, looking at herself, sitting on the floor where she’d first awoken. She approached herself, reliving those first moments at Haven. She watched as she silently refused to listen to Cassandra’s questions, and heard the sharp derision and thinly veiled anger in her voice. Did she really sound like that? She sounded so...unfriendly. She sounded like a shrew. She knew she was distant but she was not harsh, she was not cruel. She was guarded. And for good reason. But that was not how she was coming across, not in this memory. 

She pushed past them, shaken by how she seemed to be coming across. She felt lost. Who was she? 

Through another set of doors she saw Scout Harding and an Inquisition soldier, talking about the strength of the Inquisition. 

“Our reach begins to match my ambition--but we will strive for more.” 

Her voice came out of the third figure; cold, calculating. _Pleased._

“You still have not begun to figure me out.” She snarled into the air, ignored by the figures in front of her. “Though it is comical to see you try.” 

“Is this the woman you are? Deflecting through scorn...this is good. Helpful.” Laughter echoed around her, manic, joyful and psychotic. Adrienne grit her teeth. She needed to stop talking, to not give more away. 

It was life with her father all over again. 

She shook off that memory as the image before her exploded. 

So she continued. 

She strode past more images; faces both known and unknown, talking about her, the Inquisition, the power that it held over nations, over Thedas. Adrienne rushed past them all, continuing deeper and deeper into this dreamworld. She did not know if she was going the right way, or if there even was a way out of here. She was willing herself not to succumb to helplessness… 

A new voice arose, taunting Envy and her head snapped up at the words. She straightened, not having realised how much she had curled over herself. Somehow that voice...by no means did it sound familiar but it gave her hope. She looked around, wishing to see it, to find it. She spotted a blocked doorway and reached toward it, shifting fallen broken beams away from the entrance. 

“No!” Envy sounded distraught. She continued her work, shifting the beams so she could pass into the room. 

It was empty. 

Fearing another trick, she turned to find the door closed behind her. She swallowed back a panicked cry. 

“Wait.” The voice from before, the one with kindness, beckoned from behind. She turned back to the empty room. “Envy is hurting you. Mirrors on mirrors on memories. It wants to claim you, to be you. Not fake. A face it can own. I want to help. You, not Envy.” 

She finally saw him as she turned, once more, to the door. His face was hidden beneath an enormous hat but she could see wisps of blond hair around his neck and jaw. 

“Who are you?” She demanded. “Another demon?” He looked familiar. 

“No. I am here because I want to help. The templars knew when you arrived. Not like the Lord Seeker. He twisted them. They are red inside. No good anymore.” He shook his head, paused. Adrienne did not know what to say, whether to trust this...creature. “You are frozen, out there. Envy is trying to steal your face and I felt it. I reached out, then in. Now I am here.” 

“Do I know you?” Adrienne asked. “You look...familiar.” 

“I do not think so. You would forget. I would make you forget.” He shook his head again. “You must get out, before you forget. You need all of you right now.” 

“What should I call you?” 

“Cole.” 

“Alright, Cole.” Adrienne had decided, for the moment, to trust the spirit, or whatever it was. Only time would tell if that was an error. “Can I get out the way you got in?” 

“You would die. It is your head; you should not be outside of it.” 

“Well then how do I _evict_ everyone else?” 

“Make Envy stretch. If you keep going, Envy has to be more people. It takes power. Too much and Envy cannot continue.” 

Adrienne breathed out through her nose. “So I must go forward...and go back.” There was no way Envy could get enough people from her present, to use against her. Her past though, would have many more who could hurt her. She did not know if she was strong enough to face them, even knowing this was a dream. 

“It is better than waiting her and losing your face.” Cole said, nearing her. Then he turned and sprinted out the door. She had no choice but to follow. 

He coached her, much to Envy’s displeasure, helping her defeat the trials ahead. Until she reached _him._

She could not help but recoil at the sight of her father, towering over a huddled figure on the floor. She realised, swallowing through the sudden dryness in her throat, that that huddled figure was her. She remembered this. 

“Get up, useless thing.” He kicked at her. Not hard, but enough to bruise. Enough to _matter_. Adrienne watched as her twelve year old self unfolded, head bowed in defeat, hot tears fresh on her face. “What did I tell you about crying?” The black-haired man’s voice was quiet, angry. Deadly. 

“Never to cry. Never to show emotion.” Adrienne’s childish voice quavered with emotion as she willed herself to stop. 

“You are weak. Pathetic.” Her father struck her across the face. Adrienne winced, remembering the feel of too-hot skin. 

“I’m s-sorry father. But he wa-was my friend.” 

Adrienne remembered with a jolt when this had happened; this was the day she had found out her father had killed one of his elvish servants simply because she’d become close to the man. He’d been so kind to her, and her father had killed him simply to teach her a lesson. It was not the first time, either, or the last. Adrienne had been isolated, never permitted to trust, to have friends. They were either turned against her--their loyalty bought and sold by her father--or outright killed. 

“You have no friends. You are here for one thing and one thing only; to become a tool. To be my weapon. You will trust no one.” 

“Not even you.” 

This was different, Adrienne realised with a jolt. This was not her memory anymore; she watched as her scrawny self lunged forward with a dagger, plunging the blade over and over into her father’s chest. The towering figure toppled over, the too-thin twelve year old girl perched on his chest. 

“That’s...not what happened.” Adrienne forced through her constricted throat. 

“Ah, but you wish it was!” Envy cackled, taking her younger form and turning to her, eyes glowing a fierce green as blood dripped from the dagger in her hands. “You wish you had killed him.” 

“I wish a lot of things.” Adrienne whispered. Then, louder. “That is no secret. That is no great lesson.” 

“Good…” Cole murmured beside her. “Let us go, let us leave him. He will make more. You must stretch him. Break him--” 

“Before he breaks me.” Adrienne said in a sigh. She turned and followed Cole, leaving the scene behind them. 

They watched as Envy pushed her shadow-figure, now aged, to new lengths of cruelty, arresting and executing everyone and anyone. They watched, continued to watch, as Envy made the Inquisition into something despicable, something bloody and horrible. Cole still helped, albeit indirectly, guiding and coaching her until she came to a forest. She left cages, the cells with her allies behind and wondered what she’d face in this new trial. She was feeling more confident, more able to escape. All thanks to Cole… 

“Keep going up.” He said. She heeded him, ignoring the demons behind her, following her through the forest, through the keep like trained dogs. She kept going up, ignoring the soldiers, the humans, who shirked from her, from her demon followers. She would not fight them. She ignored the cries behind her; it was all a lie. “Keep going up.” It was a mantra and it guided her, pushing her higher, to meet up in her mind with her body, where she was trapped in the real world. Yet another shadow-figure of herself turned on her, grabbing her the same way the Lord Seeker had, shouting in her face. Yet even now, the Envy demon seemed weaker, unable to maintain her voice and shape with clarity. 

“Unfair! Unfair! That thing kept you whole, kept me from getting your shape!” Her own voice cut in and out, mixed with that of the demon. It clutched at her throat, lifting her. “We will start again. More pain, this time.” 

“It’s afraid of you.” Cole’s voice echoed from above. The demon snarled, turning to shout at Cole. 

“Get out! Or--” 

Unfortunately, it didn’t have the chance to finish it’s threat, as Adrienne brought her opposing arm down across the demon’s arm, forcing it to bend, to weaken, to allow her to find her footing again. The demon, caught off guard, did not expect the following headbutt. 

Adrienne was blinded again as light overtook her.


	5. Haven After Envy

Adrienne was thrown back to reality with a jolt that was less painful than she had expected, but vastly more disorienting. She staggered, then righted herself in time to see the demon that had once been the Lord Seeker bend backwards on itself, let out an ear-piercing shriek, and then disappear in a flash of green light, drifting like smoke into the depths of the hall. 

Adrienne took a few steps forward, determined to destroy this thing that had forced her to relive and remember a tortured time. 

But it was blocked away. 

"Damn it all!” She hissed, ignoring the inquiries from her party as to her health. She brushed them off, forging deeper into the hall. “Ser Barris!” She barked. “You must have an idea how to fight this thing. This Envy demon.” He was a templar, after all; fighting demons and possessed mages was kind of his thing, right? 

“Yes…” He looked to the magical barrier preventing them from accessing the creature. “Envy is a coward. It hides and it learns.” He turned to her, hand on his sword. 

“Our Lieutenants may still be alive, still be fighting. They will know what to do. Bring the lieutenants and the uncorrupted lyrium to the hall and you shall have your demon. We will hold off the reinforcements.” 

Adrienne nodded, then gestured for her companions to follow her beyond as she sought out what Barris had requested. 

It ended up being a straightforward task, though they made gruesome discoveries along the way. They made quick work of the demons, finding the required supplies for Barris and the templars, and then some. They made sure to check back into the hall every few minutes to help stave off the hoardes of demons trying to slay the last of the living templars. 

Finally the templars, lieutenants and others, uncorrupted, who had fought their way to the keep assisted in opening the barrier to the envy demon. 

And then, of course, Adrienne and her team helped slaughter the monster. 

“Impressive.” Ser Barris spoke from beside them, somewhat breathless from the exertion of the fight. Adrienne turned on him, her own chest rising and falling rapidly, face flushed. “You are quite the rogue, Lady Herald.” 

“Thank you, Ser Barris. You are an impressive warrior, yourself.” She wiped her blades on her pants, filthy from the fighting, knowing full well she had another, cleaner pair in her travelling gear, back at their camp. “I hope this means you’ll help us--the Inquisition--with the Breach?” Adrienne’s voice was accusatory even to herself, as if she was expecting him to say no. She almost winced. But the knight did not seem to notice, and he nodded his confirmation. She wondered if maybe, since she’d lost herself in that Fade-dream with the Envy demon, she was being paranoid about how she came off. 

“We will have to work hard to repair our Order, after the damage done here. Helping the Inquisition seal the Breach is the least we can do to prove ourselves. We will follow you to Haven, my Lady, as soon as we make the necessary arrangements here.” 

“Told you; more Curlys.” Varric muttered from beside her. Adrienne smiled--albeit a small, shy smile--down at the dwarf. 

“He’s no Curly. He is his own man.” 

Ser Barris seemed to suspect, or realise he was being talked about, for good or ill, and shifted uncomfortably before turning to the rest of the templars, to begin preparations. 

*** 

True to her word before they left, Adrienne sought out the Commander to speak with him after returning. She was elated that their mission had gone tolerably well, but the entire ride back there had been a nagging thought in her brain. 

She did not like the woman her memories had shown her to be. 

She’d realised with a jolt one night that being the distant, cold person she’d become just meant her father had won. He’d got what he wanted. And that was unacceptable. So while the discussion with Commander Cullen had mostly been about the templar order, she’d made an effort to ask him a few personal questions. Which he had, of course, answered, if somewhat thrown off by her sudden change in character. 

And he had asked nothing in return. 

She had not been expecting that. 

Cullen, for his part, had indeed been thrown off by Adrienne’s line of questioning. One moment she was asking him about his knowledge of the templars, his training there and his insights into the order, and the next she was asking him about his family, his childhood. And while Cullen had not expected the Herald to seek him out to ask personal questions, he was glad she had, if only so he could prove to Cassandra and Leliana that it was indeed possible to learn about people through simple and direct methods. 

Unfortunately, just as he’d been considering a question to ask her, something simple, she’d thanked him and disappeared. 

He tried to shake off the melancholy that struck him, realizing he had never actually had a conversation with the Herald before that moment. He hoped it had helped her. 

It had. 

Adrienne felt good after talking to Cullen. Feeling even more elated at the success of the conversation--she had not stumbled over words or said anything insulting!--she decided to then go talk to Varric and see if she could continue her social streak. It went as well as the first conversation; they began talking of the templars, though Varric’s usual smirk disappeared when he spoke of the red lyrium. Which then led to a new line of conversation that taught Adrienne a great deal about the dwarf’s past. 

“Anyways, I was thinking that a bit of a pre-celebration might be in order.” Varric suggested after a moment of silence between them. “No immediate shit to deal with until the templars arrive, anyways,” the soldiers in question were supposed to be arriving the day after next, “so why not get a drink with us at The Singing Maiden?” He asked it sincerely, but Adrienne did not miss the surprise in his face when she nodded. 

“I’d like that.” 

To his credit, Varric recovered quickly. 

“Excellent! I’ll make sure Flissa knows to put all the drinks on your tab then, shall I?” He grinned. 

“Only if you’re okay losing body parts.” Adrienne said. It was meant to be a joke but she felt she sounded seriously threatening. Luckily, Varric seemed to understand and laughed. 

“We really need to work on your delivery, Onyx.” 

“Onyx?” 

“I’m still working on it.” Varric shrugged. “That’s for your hair...and the fact you seem hard as stone.” 

“Looks like we're both working on something.” Adrienne admitted, avoiding looking at Varric as she spoke. He shook his head. 

“Oh, I’m not saying it’s a bad thing!” He shifted his weight, crossing his arms across the plunging neck of his shirt. “But...I don’t think that matters to you.” 

Adrienne shook her head. “I am grateful you do not consider it bad. But I do.” 

“That’s what matters, isn’t it? My opinion means shit all if you don’t believe it.” 

She had to agree, and after confirming for a second time that she would meet him in the tavern that night, she returned to her cabin to have a bath. She’d requested hot water brought to her cabin immediately upon their arrival in Haven. She usually just requested a basin and cloth, but after the past few weeks...she wanted to submerge herself. She finally felt like she could breathe again, knowing that something she had done had worked out and the end was in sight. And it had been ages since she’d felt actually clean. Especially after that encounter… 

She could not get the image of her younger self killing her father out of her mind. But what was worse was how badly she had desired that that had been the outcome, all those years ago. If she could go back in time, back to that moment, near the beginning… 

But going back was impossible. She chased away the memories as she sank into the warm water of the tub, thinking instead of her social breakthroughs that afternoon. 

*** 

“Herald!” 

No one clapped, but Adrienne was quite certain that were she perceived differently, that might have changed. She turned to Varric, who had shouted at her from across the tavern. She wished he hadn’t; she was still getting used to being seen. She hurried over, wanting to sit and not be seen. It was strange; when in the public eye outside of Haven, she was more comfortable. But here...she did not like being seen. This was the place she had to come back to. 

“Pay up!” Varric crowed to the table at large. Coin changed hands and Adrienne watched with narrowed eyes as Varric collected most of it. “No one believed me when I said you’d come.” He said by way of explanation. 

“You can’t blame us!” The Iron Bull said, leaning back in his seat, to small beneath him. 

“I can’t.” Adrienne admitted. 

“Why now?” 

Adrienne snapped her eyes to Josephine, who had even joined them. 

“It’s...hard to explain.” She said stiffly, shyly even. 

“Try us.” Josephine smiled warmly. Adrienne was not sure she wanted to. 

“Oh, can’t we just be glad she’s here?” Cullen said, bringing drinks to the table and sliding them to the respective drinkers. She threw him a grateful smile, taking a tankard. 

“Well, I’m happy she’s here.” Varric said. 

“Only because you bet she would show.” Sera grumbled. “Bet you worked this out together, yeah?” She shook her head. “I’ll get you back, Tethras.” 

“I’d love to see you try, Buttercup.” 

Sera and Varric then launched into thinly veiled threats that Adrienne found disturbing until Cullen leaned in, having sat beside her at the table. 

“This is how they usually are. They always seem to be at one another’s throats but in reality, they are thick as...well, thieves.” 

“We’re not thieves!” Varric retorted, interrupting himself. 

“Speak for yourself.” Sera snorted into her drink. 

“So this is a….common occurrence?” Adrienne asked Cullen as the conversations continued around them again. He laughed and nodded. 

“Usually, yes. When you’re out, and people aren’t busy, they’re usually here. Sera and Blackwall are here most often. Bull is usually with his Chargers, sometimes they all traipse in here. Then it _really_ gets fun.” He smiled at some memory that Adrienne could not begin to imagine. “Varric usually tells stories and then retires before things get too wild. He likes to get everyone drinking then disappears before the real madness sets in. I swear he does it on purpose so that he’s the only one not hungover.” 

“What about Cassandra, and Leliana?” 

“They’ve both been in the tavern once, I think. Josie comes as often as she can, though she is usually very busy with her ambassadorial duties.” 

“And you?” Adrienne smiled. 

“By the end of the day, the recruits are so tired that if he were to yell at them to get their shield up one more time, they’d revolt. So he comes here instead.” Varric interjected. Cullen ducked his head, embarrassed. 

“I don’t come for very long, ever. But it’s a good distraction.” 

“Distraction--” Adrienne was going to ask a question, press for what the Commander needed to be distracted from, when Sera interrupted her thoughts. 

“Oi! Herald. Drink up. You’re getting next round.” 

“Am I?” She eyed the elf. “Why’s that?” 

“Because I said so.” Sera stuck out her tongue. “And it’s my birthday and I get what I want.” 

“Is it?” Adrienne’s eyebrows lifted. 

“No. But next round is still on you.” 

Adrienne laughed and downed her drink, taken in by the joviality of the group. She no longer regretted coming out; no one was watching her, and she was able to _see_ her people, listen to them laugh and joke and drink together. She stood and went to get the drinks and smiled at Blackwall as he entered. He seemed taken aback by the appearance of the Herald. 

“Milady.” He inclined his head and approached, eyes flitting from the table group she’d left behind, to her. He took some of the drinks from her overburdened arms as she slid some coin to Flissa. “I had not anticipated to see you here.” 

“Then it is good you weren’t here earlier, or you’d have lost a bet to Varric.” She smiled gently, getting used to letting her guard down. 

Blackwall helped her get the drinks back to the table, then pulled a chair to join them, forcing them all to sit closer together around the table. He was sandwiched in between Josephine and Sera. Adrienne had to shift her seat down a bit, but was still close to Cullen. Their legs ended up constantly brushing as they moved and after a few initial “sorrys” they ignored it, realising it was unavoidable. 

Sera began launching into some stories, rivaled only by Varric and Iron Bull. Josephine mostly laughed and blushed, shaking her head. Eventually she retired. Adrienne realised the woman looked immensely tired. She’d need to find a time to learn more about the Ambassador. 

Blackwall and Sera left the table to get more drinks, and ended up hovering by the barkeep, deep in conversation, until Varric sighed and went and got the drinks for the remaining crew, ignored by the elf and Warden. They did not return, but their laughter could be heard across the bar. 

The Iron Bull and Cullen got to talking fighting strategy and Adrienne was only half listening when Varric spoke. 

“If I’m being honest, Onyx, I’m as surprised as the rest of them that you came out.” Adrienne turned to him, wary, wondering if he was going to ask her why. He seemed to read the apprehension in her eyes. “I know you brushed it off before, but I think it’s good. For you, for the Inquisition. The whole thing doesn’t rest squarely on your shoulders. And people need to see you’re a real person.” 

“I don’t know how to be a real person, sometimes.” She said gently, quietly so as not to be heard. “Most of the time, actually.” 

“You’re doing a pretty good job, to me.” Varric said with a shrug. “I’m going to head out though.” He downed his drink. “Iron Bull and Cullen could discuss the finer points of strategy for hours. And while it’s absolutely riveting, it’s absolutely _not._ ” He slid off his seat and disappeared. 

Adrienne watched him go with a fondness. She had fully intended to hate the dwarf after first meeting him. But she’d only realised in talking to him that he was a lot like her; there were skeletons hidden in his past that he was not forthcoming about. And while she buried her dark past behind an emotionless mask, Varric hid his hurts behind smiles and stories. No wonder people flocked to him, respected him. She wondered, not for the last time, whose method was more forgiving. 

She took another swallow of her drink--her third of the evening--vowing, in her mind, to be more like Varric. It was not a vow she would remember, come morning, but a fleeting tipsy thought. 

Swivelling in her seat, she found that Bull and Cullen were still talking about fighting. Or, finishing talking about strategy; Bull finally just shook his head with a smile and turned away, waving a hand as he stood, leaving the table behind. 

“We’ll call it a draw then, Commander. Someday I’ll prove you wrong.” 

“If you ever get enough shields.” Cullen chuckled, shaking his head in return. Then he turned to the table, and seemed surprised to see it empty. His warm gaze took in the empty table and the dark haired Herald beside him. 

“It must be getting late, for everyone to have disappeared.” He said, leaning over the table to wrap his hands around his cup. Adrienne shook her head. 

“I don’t think so. I think it’s just a case of, well, everyone is busy.” 

“Is that a hint?” Cullen asked, raising an eyebrow. 

“No!” Adrienne’s eyebrows shot into her hairline. “No, please do not think--” 

Cullen laughed and Adrienne’s mouth popped open. She had never heard the Commander _laugh_ before. Was he laughing at her? He seemed to read her expression and he cleared his throat. 

“My apologies. I did not mean to laugh at you. You just looked so shocked.” He smiled, the corner of his mouth lifting in a lopsided smile. “It’s a nice change from the cool blue look you normally wear.” 

Adrienne sighed into her cup, turning away. Cullen sucked in a breath. 

“I’m deeply sorry to have offended, Lady Morneau--” 

“Adrienne.” She lifted her head. “Please, call me Adrienne. And I’m not offended. I’m trying to figure out if you’re being genuine.” 

This seemed to confuse him and he frowned, eyebrows knitting together over his eyes. 

“Why would I not?” 

This brought a smile to her lips and-- _damn, alcohol made her melancholic_ \--a pang to her heart. 

“Because no one is.” 

Cullen was shocked. She _believed_ what she said, that much was certain. No wonder she was so closed off; she trusted no one. Questions itched at the tip of his tongue but he held back. She was being honest with him and he did not want to pry. She was like a dog who’d been beaten too many times, fearful that the next person she allowed near might strike her. But where had it started? With who? 

“I promise to always be genuine with you.” Cullen finally said after a moment. “I swear by...Andraste’s ashes.” 

Adrienne’s eyes fixed on his face. They locked eyes for a moment, and then she blinked, nodded, and that was that. 

“The Envy demon took your shape.” 

The sudden change in subject made Cullen’s head spin. Had he missed something? Her eyes were downcast, back into her cup. 

“Oh?” He probed. She took a sip of her drink. Cullen had been at the debrief of course, when she’d told the others what had happened with the templars. She had been aloof when speaking of her battle with the Envy demon, but she did say that Cole--the spirit or demon or whatever he was--was a friend when he appeared a short while later. Cullen did not fully trust the creature but Adrienne had looked ready to draw her daggers on anyone who might try to harm the boy. So they had relented. For now. Cullen, templar through and through, was keeping an eye on the being. Just in case. 

Adrienne nodded, closing her eyes. 

“You and Leliana and Josephine.” Her breath caught. “And my...father.” 

“Is he...an elf?” Cullen knew one of her parents were, that much had been made clear to Cassandra when Adrienne had explained her being at the Conclave. But beyond that, they did not know who her family was. 

Adrienne shook her head. 

“No. He’s human.” She let out a breath, hissing through her teeth. “Though the better term is that he’s a monster.” She shook her head. “That’s--I didn’t want to talk about him. I watched you die in my mind.” She turned to him, a fierce anger in her eyes that startled him, after the sadness that had plagued her voice the moment before. “And Josephine. And so many others. The Envy demon wanted to use me to twist the Inquisition. To make it...something it’s not.” She shook her head again, black hair trapping light like a shadow in the dimness of the tavern. “And I realised that the demon could have easily taken my body and no one would have known the difference.” Her hands clutched her tankard with white knuckled fury. “Because I do not let anyone get close.” 

“Which is why you are here.” Cullen said gently. Adrienne gave a wry smile. It was not pleasant. 

“Yes. I have to trust someone. I have to try. I trust Varric to an extent. And of course I trust my companions to have my back.” 

“You just don’t trust them with personal secrets.” 

“No.” Adrienne pursed her lips. “I’ve told no one anything personal, save you.” 

She looked so vulnerable in that moment, her eyes losing their hardness, a few loose strands of hair drifting across her face, come loose from the braid she normally wore. She suddenly looked years younger. 

“I am honoured.” Cullen said, hoping she heard how much he meant it. “I shall take your secrets to the grave.” 

This made her smile, a genuine smile, and if Cullen had thought her beautiful when she’d looked at him with her searching eyes only moments before, it did not compare to now. 

“Thank you.” 

Her face fell again, returning to its usual dark stoicism, and Cullen was sad, as if a cloud had passed over the face of the sun. She abruptly pushed back from the table, lifted her drink and finished it, and then walked away. 

Cullen, realising that this was just a part of who she was, watched her go with a sad smile. She needed a friend right now. And he would do his utmost to prove himself to her.


	6. Closing the Breach

The next day Adrienne woke with hazy memories from the evening before. She had not been that drunk, though she also had not consumed alcohol for the past five years. So who knew how her body responded to liquor anymore. She did remember a few things clearly though, mostly feelings. She recalled feeling warm, comfortable with her companions in a personal setting. She remembered Varric had been kind, and she remembered the Commander’s half-smile. And telling him about her. 

It was the first time she’d opened up to a stranger in...well, over a decade. 

She stood up, a roiling in her stomach making her wonder if she was hungry or hungover. 

Going outside for some fresh air, she figured, would be her best bet. So she did. 

Throwing open the door, she came face to face with one of Leliana’s people, a fist raised to knock on the door. They dropped their fist and saluted. 

“Lady Herald. The templars have sent word; they will be arriving in a few hours time.” 

“Thank you.” She nodded, dismissing the messenger, who bowed, saluted, and scarpered. 

She sought out a quick breakfast from the tavern, noting that Sera was sitting at one of the tavern seats already, feet kicked up on the table, restringing her bow and laughing loudly with a recruit sitting with her. 

Adrienne was feeling restless, impatient. She wanted the templars to arrive so they could march on that damn hole in the sky and-- 

What? What would happen afterwards? Would she remain with the Inquisition, even when she was no longer of use? Assuming that, when the Breach was closed, the smaller rifts would close as well. She had no future prospects, no where else she wanted to be. 

She realised with a jolt that in the past few months, she’d become comfortable here. 

Every cell in her body screamed _TRAP_ and she was on edge as she left Haven, out to the training grounds by the lake. Cassandra was sparring with a recruit and Cullen was nowhere to be seen. Perhaps he, like her, was suffering the after effects of a few too many drinks. Though she was quite sure he had not drank as much as her. Or anyone else. 

She pulled her daggers from her sheaths and stalked over to one of the training dummies, behind the sparse tents outside. Perhaps she could kill this paranoid feeling that was plaguing her. She pulled her hair up into a loose braid. As usual, she made sure her ears were covered. No sense attracting more questions. She didn’t want the mid-morning sun in her eyes, either, so she pulled a hat over it all, to help shade her eyes. 

She dropped into a ready position, daggers protecting her front and side, balanced on the balls of her feet. Then she began attacking the dummies in earnest. It had been ages since she practiced dealing deadly blows on a practice dummy. Her father had trained her gruellingly, hiring her rogue trainers until she was as good as any of them. 

_”Idiot girl! You are slow.” Her father snarled, and Adrienne pushed herself harder. The rogue she was facing, a hireling by her father, widened their eyes at the fresh onslaught of attacks, the girl she was facing seemingly untiring, despite the sweat dripping through her jet black hair. The rogue fought off the whirling attacks, sensing a change in the fighting of the younger woman. The man who’d hired her watched on with a blank face._

_Finally, in a move so quick she missed it, the younger woman was behind her, kicking her knees out from beneath her so she fell to the grass of the courtyard with hardly a sound._

_“I yield.” She said, breathless. They were facing the man and he met his daughter’s eyes, and nodded._

_“Do it.”_

_“Wait--” the woman’s cry was cut short as the blade passed across her throat, so sharp and cold it took her breath away. Or maybe that was simply her life flashing before her eyes._

_Still, as she died, she was certain she heard the girl whisper “I’m sorry.”_

A noise behind her shook her from the memory, the fury that drove her, and she spun, ready to take on her next assailant, losing herself to years of ingrained, trained instinct. 

If it had been anyone else, she likely would have thrust the dagger into his chest. Fortunately for everyone, the Commander already had his sword out and lifted the blade to parry her attack as she turned on him. The sound of metal on metal rang across the lake and the small crowd who had gathered to watch the Herald show off her prowess with the blades, dealing death upon the stuffed mannequins. 

Adrienne froze when she realised what she had done. 

Her breath came in short bursts, her chest rising and falling, face flushed from the exertion and the anger. 

Before Cullen had the chance to speak, to reprimand her or question her, she threw the daggers—hard—into the ground, where they stuck, and stalked away. She wanted to be alone. Needed it. 

No one followed her. 

She could practically hear her father’s voice in her head. 

_“Idiot child, how could you lose control like that?” He shook his head. “You can do better. Start again.”_

She walked out towards the end of the frozen lake, cutting across the icy plateau. She was angry, if mostly at herself. She _had_ lost control. That was not like her. She kicked at a small mound of snow, sending the sparkling, frozen flakes cascading around the air like grains of sand caught in a windstorm. Then she closed her eyes against the anger and fear that was plaguing her. 

“No one is going to betray you!” She said after a moment, to the air, to the trees, to the world at large. “Not the people you trust.” 

_”Unless you go pulling knives on them…”_ a more cynical voice chided her. She grit her teeth against her thoughts, and stomped her feet against the ground, making her way to the decrepit dock on the farthest end of the lake away from Haven. She could see when the templars arrived, from here, and make her way back to the city then. She did not want to go back before she was needed. She was worried what might be said. 

The fact of the matter was she still had many bad habits to unlearn. Her guard, the cool disconnect, the mistrust…she’d spent more than a decade learning those habits and unlearning them was proving difficult. She’d been free of her father for nearly five years now. 

*** 

“It was not your fault.” 

Adrienne, to her credit, did not jump at the sound of Cole’s voice beside her a short while later as she dangled her feet over the edge of the dock over the lake. She thought maybe that meant she was getting used to him appearing out of thin air. 

“Attacking the Commander?” she turned her eyes on the young man. He did not reply, not directly. 

“Memories, too quick to follow. How old was I? It does not matter now. Monster, monster. It is what I am. What he made me.” Cole’s words flowed over her, an echo of her own tumultuous thoughts vocalised. She did not shy away. “You are what you are because of him. Not you.” 

Adrienne sighed. “That doesn’t help me figure out how to stop being… _this_ ” 

Cole settled beside her. “You shouldn’t. Not really. Who you are brought you here. You cannot stop being her. But you can become more.” 

“ _How_?” She did not expect an actual answer; maybe more riddles, but nothing straight spoken. Cole should annoy her with his strangeness and yet...she appreciated him more than she could put into words. He had saved her from Envy, seen her at her most vulnerable. Without him, she would have succumbed, and lost herself. 

So she was surprised when he answered and simply said. “Trust us. Trust the Inquisition. Forgive yourself.” Then he stood and, before he disappeared, added: “You would not have lost your face. I don’t think. You are strong. More than anyone knows. Even you.” 

Adrienne looked back across the lake, feeling the emptiness in the space beside her and knowing he was gone. A flicker of light off metal was the warning that the templars were arriving as they began to emerge from the trees by the road. 

Adrienne picked herself up and made her way back to Haven. 

*** 

They did not delay in setting forth to seal the Breach. The templars did not even get the chance to enter the city gate; they simply rested outside the city gates long enough for Adrienne and the rest of the Inquisition to prepare--they’d managed most of the preparations the day before--and then they marched. There was little speaking, and Adrienne found herself apprehensive, wondering if she’d made the right choice, if the templars could help, or if the mages would have been the better choice. 

“You made the right decision.” 

She turned to look at Solas, then frowned. 

“Taking a leaf out of Cole’s book?” She asked. When Solas looked puzzled, she shook her head. “Nevermind.” She let out a small breath. “I would have thought you’d have hated me for choosing the templars.” 

“They have flaws, but I try to see past that. Considering what we know about the mark and the Breach--and it is, of course, blessed little--I think they were the right choice. Your mark reacts to magic differently. I believe that overflowing your mark with magic could have...an adverse affect on you.” 

“Like maybe destroying me?” Adrienne looked up to the Breach, that flickering hole. Maybe Sera was right, it did look like-- 

“Perhaps. We shall never know.” 

He left her alone again with her thoughts. Until Cullen appeared. Adrienne stiffened when she saw him and before he had a chance to speak, she opened her mouth. 

"I will never draw my blades on you again. I am deeply sorry for attacking you." She did not look at him, did not want to see the disgust in his eyes that his own Herald was weak, had lost control, had nearly harmed him. 

"Oh, that?" Cullen chuckled, and Adrienne turned to him, frowning deeply at his response. He ran a hand through his hair, something she had come to realise was a signature of his. "I know how it can get, when you're letting your training take over. I actually was going to suggest we do cross blades again. It is not everyday I get to go up against such a skilled rogue, and Leliana refuses to spar with me." He gave her a half smile, another signature, and it did nothing to help Adrienne's confusion. 

"I...could have killed you." 

"But you didn't. And I think you underestimate my ability to defend myself." Cullen shook his head, looking a bit put out. "If anything, you might have given me a matching scar." He thumbed the mark in question, drawing attention to the white mark above his lip. "This isn't the first time someone drew a weapon on me in training, and it likely won't be the last. And while you're a great deal more...deadly and well-trained than the recruits, it is their lack of control that makes them more dangerous." 

She glared at him. 

"You promised to be genuine." She said, voice cold. He raised an eyebrow. 

"I did. And I am." 

"You...I lost control." 

"Not from where I was standing." He said with a shrug. "You seemed in complete control. And I managed to step into that perfectly controlled sphere and catch you off guard." 

"Why are you being so...nice about this?" 

"Is there a reason to be mean? It is clear you feel terrible, and no blood, no foul. Why would I chastise you for something you are clearly already upset about?" He shook his head. "You are not a recruit under my command. I don't need to discipline you." His mouth opened. "That...came out wrong." 

Adrienne almost smiled at that, and looked back up the path as they walked. "I get it." She breathed out slowly, patiently, trying to grapple with her own understanding of the Commander. "Thank you." 

And then, too soon, they were there. Back where it had all began, where her life had been changed so drastically. She strode to the base of the Breach, the templars and Inquisition soldiers lining up on the ruined edges of the enormous pit, the scar upon the earth where the explosion had changed everything. 

Adrienne was only dimly aware that Cassandra and Solas were calling the templars to attention, shouting words of inspiration, motivation. She blocked this out, focusing instead on her mark, the pulsing connection between her and the hole in the sky. This had to work. There simply was no other option. 

She thrust up her hand, feeling the usual draw from the mark, and then she heard cries behind her as the templars added their strength to hers. The pain threatened to send her to her knees, but she persisted. She felt it working, knew that it was not going to fail. She just _knew_. 

She finally let loose a cry--one part pain, one part relief--mere heartbeats before something gave way and an explosion of light and energy sent her falling backwards, staggered. From her position on the ground, she looked up to see the sky was whole again. On her hands and knees, she felt her entire body slump, relax, and were she anyone else, she might have wept at the sheer relief of it being _over_. 

Cassandra was the first to her side, helping her up. She was grateful for the assistance; she was not sure she could bring herself up off the ground on her own. She wanted to stay there forever, rest. 

“You did it!” Cassandra sounded both delighted and awe-struck, like she herself had not necessarily believed it was going to work, but pleased it had. 

A cheer erupted around them, and Adrienne smiled, a genuine smile.


End file.
